Let me tell you a story about karma, Abercrombie and Fitch and a hostel in San Diego. I don't remember his name. I always called him Abercrombie. Whenever he introduced himself he made it known that he worked for the over - priced fashion outlet and if he were in the company of a female, which he often tried to be, the revelation of his employment would be followed up with a very deliberate lift of the shirt, glint of the eye and "I couldn't guess why". Yes he was tanned, toned with washboard abs and hair so thick with wax you could use it as a candle. The kind of guy who looks like an extra at Madame Tussaud's, skin so bronzed and perfect you didn't know whether it was flesh or plastic. So clean he looked greasy, or maybe that was my opinion manifesting through my site. All interaction with women was overtly arrogant flirtation. All interaction with men was bragging about said flirtation. I don't know how the term douche bag fell into modern slang or when it came to have such a rigid definition, regardless, it's fair to say; Abercrombie was the archetypal douche bag.
The wonderful hostel I'm staying at is kind enough to provide free dinner three nights of the week. It's the kitchen where out story begins, an easy going vibe, typical of the hostel, is resonant throughout our little banquet hall. You can almost hear the vaginas slamming shut as Abercrombie makes his entrance. He makes no effort to hide the fact he's drunk, boasting about the extensive day drinking he's done at the Ivy. Free dinner is fish tacos. Free dinner makes everything taste good. When someone has the grace to cook for you, irrelevant of the quality, the tacos were real nice as it goes, one should generally have the gratitude to be thankful. Can you guess where this is going? AFers has the audacity to moan about the food, "these are the cheapest fish tacos I think I've ever had" his tone was one of condescension and complaint, not one of revelry in the fact they were free. As you may of guessed that comment pissed people off, his drunken bragging about this and that does nothing to quell the passive aggressive stares and sighs being directed his way.
Abercrombie sets his plate down beside mine and takes up the seat below it. I continue the conversation to my right, trying to ignore his on presence to my left. "You...you know what would really make these fish tacos Tom?" he says with a vague alcohol - induced glaze over his eyes, "Some sour cream, I just really think it would it off don't you?" Exhibit A: The douche bag, Exhibit B: The drunken douche bag, identical in composition to the former, with a heightened ability to annoy and brag. My response to the Fitchmeister was as follows: "You know man, me and you should go drinking sometime," "Yeah?" he replied. "Yeah man. I've got no problem with your kind of people." A confused haze dictates the tone of his response, "What do you mean my kind of people?" I continue "You are gay right? I'm gay myself I thought we could go out together..." With some vigour and, in perhaps a suspiciously defensive tone, "I'm not gay!" - Exit Abers.
He seemed the kind of person who would be offended by such a comment and apparently he was. From what I hear our HE - Man wannabe went outside for a cigarette and then managed to incur the wrath of three drunk baseball fans. Allegedly the baseball douche bags made a snide comment about living in a hostel, to which our Zoolander imitator didn't take to kindly. A fight ensued and HE - Man failed to summon any power of grayskull. He got beat down, punched and kicked, resulting in a black eye, a bulging cheek bone and a severely bruised ego. Exhibit C: The emasculated douche bag, a stuttering awkward mess who tries to defend his ego.
So he got beat up, I'm not saying that's karma, I'm not saying he deserved it, I'm just saying it somehow feels just. When Abercrombie relayed the traumatic incident to his employer he was apparently told he shouldn't live in a place where he's prone to getting the shit kicked out of him. Basically "You're a fucking moron, the only thing that makes you employable is your face." Now I'm not saying this was karma, but he got beaten up and has left the hostel. So long Abercrombie, so long.
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