So today I attended my first ever baseball game, complete with bottom of the ninth and all that crap. It was enjoyable for sure, maybe more due to the novelty then anything else but still 'twas fun. I know some may disagree but from what I can conclude; yes, yes it is a glorified game of rounders.
And now, a letter.
Dear large annoying woman sat to my right,
I appreciate you came to this event to enjoy a game of baseball in the sun with a cool beverage to hand. I can also appreciate that you want to strike up a conversation with those either side of you. However do you think constant jokes about me being British are really that funny? No you fat sack of shit I'm not attending the royal wedding HAHAHAHA... You're not playing to any friends you're just drunk. Now I support you're right to ingest the drug of your choosing, but Jesus Christ, getting drunk and chanting at the top of your lungs "Col-o-ra-do (clap clap clap clap clap)" alone is not cool. In my mind where, among other things, I'm sacrificing your life so someone worthwhile could have been with us a little longer, I'm screaming "Shut-the-fuck-up (clap clap clap clap clap)". It's people like you who successfully justify acts of terrorism being brought upon the western world.
Thank you for taking the time to read this I know it must have been difficult whilst pouring more witty down your head.
Tom
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